you’re talking to your girlfriend and things are going pleasantly enough, when all of sudden you see her face start to change, twisting into something you recognize as BAD, simply put.
You start to sweat a little. What the f*ck could you have possibly said to warrant this sudden of a reaction? You begin to backtrack every 30-seconds or so, to try and pinpoint the exact moment where you invariably messed up.
This happen 10-15 times a day and you’re pretty much losing your mind, right? I mean, you always knew women were difficult, but this is just too much for one man to handle.
We feel your pain, we’ve been there. Every man has been there, and it’s time to do something about it! We began compiling a list of phrases that have been known to trigger women. Of course, this list could easily be 200 phrases long, but we narrowed it down to the 10 most dangerous. Steer clear of these and you should be okay–for the time being.
Not all of them will illustrate phrases verbatim. Some of them will simply illustrate topics to avoid. Study up, gentleman. Make flash cards if you have to.
- Even if it’s in agreement with your lady, do not make mention of how pretty another woman is. Just don’t. This isn’t to say that your girlfriend is a sensitive, insecure shell of a human, but it’s just not worth the trouble. Sometimes when women say shit like, “Oh, isn’t she so pretty?” They’re just trying to bait you into an argument, be smarter than that!
- Under no circumstances are you to mention the amount or speed at which she’s consuming food. Phrases like, “Wow, you’re really putting that down” or, “Maybe you should take a break” are never to leave your lips. For starters, it’s really not your business and secondly, she’s going to do what she wants anyway. Spare yourself the drama.
- Don’t give fashion advice. Point blank. I don’t care if you WORK in fashion, just don’t do it. She doesn’t want to hear it from you. She doesn’t want to hear it from anyone. “Are you sure that sweater goes with that skirt?” will surely lead to a 15-minute diatribe off all the outfits you’ve looked like an asshat in over the lat 6 months.
- If she’s arguing with a friend, coworker, sibling, parent, pet cat, etc., tread very carefully when offering her advice. Avoid the word “wrong” at all costs unless referring to the other partyinvolved. Even if she is completely and utterly wrong, you’re going to have to make her see it on her own, not because of you.
- “You’re just like my ex”, or “Why do I always end up with the same kind of women?” is likely to land you in the hospital. Women do not like being compared to other women, let alone other women you have previously called, “a mentally unstable nightmare” in previous conversations. You wouldn’t want her comparing you to her ex, so do her the same kindness.
- Never speak ill of her mother. I don’t need to elaborate on this one too much. It should really explain itself. Don’t even speak ill of her mother when SHE’S speaking ill of her mother. Just nod in vague, distant agreement like you’re listening to a waiter explain fancy wine you couldn’t give a sh*t less about.
- If you feel like you aren’t having enough sex, you’re going to have to broach the subject carefully. Maybe ask if she’s been feeling alright versus something like, “Do you think this dry spell is going to end any time soon, because I’m going crazy?!” The latter alludes to the fact that you’re feeling unsatisfied and despite that being true, women get paranoid when they hear that. They think you’re going to stray to find another outlet for sexual gratification. Chances are, something IS bothering her that isn’t even about you. If you voice concern genuinely and get to the root of it, I’m sure the lack of fornication will end.
- Be encouraging in the bedroom even if it’s a criticism. For example, say you reaallllly have an issue with some of her oral techniques. Spin it in a such a way that it almost appears like a compliment, while still alleviating what’s bothering you. Tell her that it feels “too intense” or you “can’t handle it” instead of “stop doing that”, or “that doesn’t feel good.”
- This is standard for anyone in your life, but especially your girlfriend. Never say something so harsh that it can never be erased. Any variation of, “I wish I had never met you” or, “my life was better before you were in it” are definitely no fly zones. It will never truly be forgiven or forgotten.
- “I think we should take a break.” Breaks are bullsh*t. If you need space from your girlfriend so much so, that you have to issue a no speaking clause, chances are you’re no longer into the relationship. Think things through, be a man, and end it in a real way.